It all starts off nice and romantic and your significant other can do no wrong. The person is simply perfect. Fast forward a couple of years and all of a sudden you may be experiencing some serious problems with your partner’s behavior. Out of nowhere, you feel like there are a million little things you want to change.
STOP. Turn that finger right back at yourself. More often than not, when I’ve gone to this “I’m annoyed with my partner, so let’s pick him apart” stage, I almost always have had some insecurities of my own to address. I would be unhappy with my own behavior or how I handled a situation, or be frustrated with myself for not achieving goals I had set. That’s when it’s so easy to focus on your partner’s quirks.
Becoming aware of this projection of my own frustrations onto my partner has helped me be less harsh and more loving toward him – especially when I am not performing at my best and actually need to lean on him.
As my good friend Benjamin Degenhardt, and fellow Pilates instructor says: “When you’re moving from your authentic self and a place of good intention while allowing others to be themselves, things flow in perfect harmony.”
My grandpa used to say, “Live and let others live.” I’d like to combine Benjamin and my granddad’s sayings to make one of my own: “Be yourself and let others be themselves.”
1) What qualities about your partner do you enjoy and love?
2) What do you adore about your relationship?
3) What is going on in your own life that’s making you so critical right now?
4) Is the behavior that’s annoying you new?
5) Can you talk to your partner and tell him or her what’s going on with you?
Remember: Communication is always key to building a strong and lasting relationship. Your partner should be your best friend whom you can share anything with, even the stuff that’s tough to admit.
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